


Pain Goes On And On

by umbralillium



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:49:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24880342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/umbralillium/pseuds/umbralillium
Summary: Gilmore and Allura finally get a chance to meet for tea after the defeat of Vecna.
Relationships: Kima/Allura Vysoren, past Keyleth/Vax'ildan - Relationship, past Shaun Gilmore/Vax'ildan
Comments: 4
Kudos: 45





	Pain Goes On And On

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know where this came from??? But I just really wanted Allura and Gilmore being BFFs who gossip over tea together. This is not that story. Set post-campaign 1.

Vox Machina have blown through in their usual whirlwind fashion, toting the soulless and unconscious body of Grog Strongjaw, and left Shaun Gilmore with a broken heart in their wake. He isn’t even _entitled_ to a broken heart over the death of Vax’ildan. What they had came to nothing and so Shaun had tucked away his heart and watched Vax and Keyleth’s light grow brighter and brighter. So bright it maybe dimmed Shaun’s own heartache. But it’s _fine_. Everything’s _fine._

Until Allura comes knocking. Her eyes have learned to pierce through the flamboyant armor he puts on for everyone else. It was those long hours in Whitestone that taught her to know when he was dissimulating.

Even after the Conclave fell and Whitestone no longer needed their talents, they remained fast friends; meeting for tea at least once a week to catch each other up. With all that had happened with Vecna and Vasselheim, they haven’t had time for a few weeks to catch up.

Until they do.

She walked into the shop, her step and face determined. “Sherry, take over the shop for a bit, will you?” Allura asked, but not really.

“For the love of the gods, please get him out of here,” Sherry replied pleadingly.

“Don’t I get a say in this?” Shaun inquired, frowning.

Allura’s smile was sharp as she and Sherry both replied, “No.”

Rolling his eyes, Shaun stepped into the backroom for his cloak. “This is why I don’t romance women,” he informed them as he came back into the main part of the shop. “Far too implacable.”

“Yes, yes,” Allura responded, tucking her hand through his arm. “And you’re why I’m quite happily married to a woman.”

“Couldn’t handle my charm, darling?” Shaun teased with his best smile.

“Couldn’t handle your emotional constipation, dear,” Allura returned with her own smile.

Sighing, Shaun fell silent as they walked through the streets of Emon. It still gave his heart a little twist to see the changes Thordak and rebuilding had wrought on the city. The little park where he and Vax had--. He cuts the memory off. “So what quaint little café are we patronizing today, my dear Allura?”

“It’s called The White Tower of Emon,” Allura replied, not looking at him. “They serve my favorite tea there. I believe yours is in stock, as well.”

_Fuck_. If they were having tea in private, she was surely planning to dig through his defenses and misdirection. He almost wished they weren’t of a level in terms of power, so he could, perhaps, escape her concerned questions.

“Allura…” he began.

“Shaun,” she replied sharply.

“I almost wish I hadn’t given you permission to call me that,” he grumbled. “You sound almost like my mother.”

“Sometimes I feel like your mother, with how I must push and pry to get you to _talk_.”

“I talk!” he protested.

“About your _feelings_ , Shaun. Not the latest robe you’ve purchased.” She gave him an exasperated look.

“My feelings are my own,” he answered softly.

“Yes, they are, but you let them fester far too much,” she replied gently.

He started to speak, then closed his mouth, remaining silent until they reached her tower and were inside. “I’m not letting anything fester.”

“Oh, really?” she asked skeptically. “Have you grieved him?”

Shaun flinched under her knowing look. “I haven’t the right.”

“Bollocks to that,” she snapped, rolling her eyes. “You loved him just as much as Keyleth did. Just because nothing came of it, doesn’t mean you can’t grieve him.” Her voice softened as she continued. “He _did_ love you, Shaun.”

“Not enough, apparently,” he whispered, the first tear rolling down his cheek and into his mustache.

Allura didn’t reply, she simply pulled him into a hug, guiding his head onto her shoulder so he could muffle his sobs in her robes.

He wasn’t even sure what he was grieving anymore; Vax’ildan’s death, what could have been between them, what might have been between them in the future, everything he’d endured over the last two years? Any of it? All of it?

All of it.


End file.
